Deteriorating

Emily. 20. Music enthusiast. Photo geek. Fashion lover. Human rights ally.
Hoping for a future in marketing.

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Jack Barakat of All Time Low- 03.26.2011 on Flickr.

"If animals have taught me anything, it’s that you can die easily, whether it be under the bus or on the side of the road. So live life in the moment!"

-Charlie Kelly of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

- 11 September, 2011

I finally figured out why I’m so miserable. I’m not doing what I love, photography. I thought a music industry major with a photo minor would be perfect for me, but I was so wrong. What I really need is a photo major with a minor in business and continue my hobby of going to shows and keep networking.
I realize that I don’t want to be a tour manager, booking agent, publicist, etc. I want to be an artist, and have the opportunity to express myself on canvas, film, paper, anything!
The other night I went to a screenprinting workshop in the Academic Building, the place where most of the design and art studios are located, and I felt at home. Seeing the artwork on the walls and the students working in the studios made me jealous, like I belonged there with them.
I’ve been questioning my major since the first day of classes, but it wasn’t until the other night that it really hit me, I need my camera, I need to do what I love.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had work in town art showcases, even in first grade. Art kept me sane for 17 years, whether it have been painting, drawing, coloring, photographing, or even creating clay beads and sculptures. I need a creative outlet, and I think I’m breaking down because I don’t have one anymore.
Because I don’t compose or mix music, but rather serve as an observer or enthusiast, I can’t express myself through this major. When telling this to my roommate, she immediately agreed, saying that the happiest she’s ever seen me was when I returned one afternoon from exploring and photographing the city. When other people can see the struggle, you know it’s time to make a change.
I’d much rather be in NYC than Philadelphia. In doing so, I could continue networking in the music industry while studying art. There are so many more internship opportunities and places to gain contacts in NYC than here in the City of Brotherly Love.
My father is paying for a majority of my tuition and he fully supports my desire to be an art student, however, he won’t support it here at Drexel University. I guess it’s time to buckle down and start the college search and applications all over again…

Late Night Series is a weekly open mic showcase at my college. As I’m sitting here, I’m constantly reminded that my school isn’t just a place for mature overachievers who know what they want to do with their life. Apparently, Drexel University also houses immature fucks that think it’s okay to converse as someone performs. I don’t care how amazing or horrible the performer may be, they’re putting their ass on the line for getting up on that stage. Sitting next to this circle of shame makes me go crazy. Oh, the things I would say to them if they weren’t under the impression that I consider them my friends.

So in case they ever stumble upon this here blog, this is way I wish I had the heart to say to you right now:

“Shut the fuck up, you stupid, ignorant, disrespectful fucks. You didn’t even get here in time to watch your friend perform, and now you sit and giggle throughout everyone else’s performances. If you ever get up on that stage (which you never will; cowards don’t perform) I will make a clear effort to speak as loud as my lungs allow and take the spotlight right from your grasp, just like you’re doing to the performers tonight.

- 7 October, 2010